Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Hope?

Off late, loads of people have asked me one question far too often. It is a question I ask off myself and an event I discuss with myself so frequently that it is driving me crazy.

The paradox here is (there always is a paradox, only takes the right perspective to find it) it was I who created this event, this question. It is a product of my desire, my hope and my fantasy. It was not hidden or swept under the carpet for its purpose was but the opposite of what it has mutated into today. It gave me hope, reason to push forward, sweat it out. It still does at times. But nowadays it is largely overshadowed by the chills it sends down my spine.

How often it is that what you create often becomes your own nemesis?

The question that once helped me wake up each morning with hope and reassured me is now the reason I cannot sleep in the first place. It haunts me; it haunts me so bad that I have reached a point when I may have to kill what I created. There is no greater injustice in life than when you have to decapitate the flesh of your own loins (metaphor please). And I guess in the interest of sanity I will have to unplug my own creation.

Questions, answers…how does any of it really matter? I guess only one thing matters, can you find sleep tonight?

4 Comments:

Blogger bgav said...

Aah...it took me your comment to read urs...hw sick of me. well, decapitate the flesh of ur loins? wat next? were u sleeping before that? wat makes u feel u will after that? or mayb am not qaulified to comment...sleep is bliss!

11:35 AM  
Blogger vicky said...

the flesh of my loins was a metaphor for my brainchild..how sad i have to explain that:(

well, i was able to sleep for a while...and it gave me hope i guess...i never learn..

but u kno i mite crib and complain, but not sleeping comes wid its benefits too..win some, lose some i guess...

6:19 PM  
Blogger bgav said...

hw sad u tot i din get tht...i did mean it in the metaphorical sense...were u sleeping before wat u had brought upon urlf? ur brainchild? tht was wat i meant...

and yeah, u win sum u lose sum! sleep or work!

10:44 AM  
Blogger vicky said...

sorry...my mistake..i hav becum impatient it seems...
and the answer is yes, i was sleeping before i brought upon myself...before i created the question...it was brief but peaceful period...

5:51 PM  

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